Mixed Orientation Marriage : Pathways to Success

Graphic of Mixed-orientation marriage couples expressing success

Mixed-Orientation Marriage : Pathways to Success is a free on-line book and web resource for couples in a mixed-orientation marriage seeking a positive outcome.

A mixed orientation marriage is a marriage with partners who do not share the same sexual orientation. One partner may be either bisexual, gay, or lesbian and the other heterosexual. Marriages and relationships often have other differences in sexual interests and sexual expression and these are more broadly known as mixed-sexuality marriages and relationships.

Sometimes our marriages are wonderful in every way except the person we fall in love with and want to spend our life with does not share our same sexual orientation, ideas about gender identity or interests in sexual expression. Our book features observations and strategies to help overcome some of the challenges that are common in marriages when bisexual, gay or lesbian sexual attraction or other differences in sexual interests are discovered later in the relationship.

Mixed-Orientation Marriage : Pathways to Success is written with a refreshing, positive, and success oriented approach to these potentially complicated mixed-sexuality relationships.

We fall in love with who we fall in love with.

Married Couple at Beach Straight spouses with newly discovered variations in sexual interests by their husbands or wives often wonder how they ended up married to a bisexual, gay, or lesbian partner. One common reason is the bisexual, gay or lesbian spouse finds the love of their life and their gender happens to match the gender society said they should be. They then put any doubts they might have had about their sexual orientation aside. The chemistry of love can be a very powerful force. I write more about this in the chapter Why Does a Bisexual Marry a Straight Spouse?

Bisexual attraction and the bisexual,lesbian, gay and straight identity.

mixed-orientation relationship tapestry paper images Bisexuality is a diverse and complex sexual orientation with many different ways one can be bisexual. Bisexuality is not just a self described identity or sexual orientation, there is also bisexual behavior and attractions. In other words some people identify as gay, lesbian or straight but are bisexual in their emotional,romantic or sexual attractions and behaviors. Others may identify as pansexual, heteroflexible or a number of other variations that fall under the bisexual or Bi+ umbrella of identities that describe attraction or sexual behavior with more than one gender. When I use bisexual in my writings I am referring to anyone with bisexual attractions to more than one gender no matter how they may choose to label or identify their sexual orientation. Sometimes a gay husband is bisexual enough to be happily married to a woman which is why I wrote the chapter Is my partner bisexual enough?

A resource for those who are new to the idea of mixed-orientation marriage success.

Choosing a mixed-orientation marriage path

If you are a straight spouse who has recently discovered your husband is bisexual or you are a bisexual husband who has recently come out to your wife perhaps something here can help you find the strategies needed to make your marriage a success. Some of the relationship dynamics I write about will also be relevant to couples with a gay husband or bisexual wife or lesbian wife or one of the many other variations of mixed orientation marriage. Many couples are not even aware that a happy mixed-orientation marriage is a thing. I write more about that in the chapter Mixed-Orientation Marriage Success.

Asexuals in Mixed-Orientation Marriages.

Asexuals with limited or no sexual interest in their partners are often a factor in mixed-orientation marriage relationship dynamics. Asexuality can result in significant differences in sexual desire between husbands and wives. With acceptance of gay, lesbian and bisexual sexual orientation there is also now greater acceptance to the varying degrees of sexual desire. Having an asexual and an allosexual spouse in a marriage creates both challenges and opportunities to create happier more rewarding marriages for the asexual spouse too. I explore this further in the chapter Asexuality and Differing Sexual Desires as well as the blog post Bisexuals Married to Asexuals In a Mixed-orientation Marriage

Mixed-orientation relationships are not for everyone.

Row of birds one butterfly I wish to be very clear that there are all kinds of paths that mixed-orientation marriages can take. There is no doubt that mixed-orientation relationships can be complicated and many do not have the relationship dynamics necessary to make them work.

When a path for mutual happiness by both the husband and wife cannot be found perhaps separation or divorce is the better solution. I have found that mixed-orientation relationship success is a process. That process requires time. Without going through the process and time it can be difficult to get the answers about the outcome ahead of time. When couples emerge happier in their mixed-orientation relationship couples often find going through the process and time spent was worth it.

I struggle with what to tell couples who try to find happiness for years and find their mixed-orientation marriage is no better off than when they started feeling like they wasted their time.

My current thinking is that since we have to go through the process anyway, that stay together or get divorced at least the couples can say they mindfully tried and looked at some options. My anecdotal observation is that an increasing number of couples are indeed finding that with love,empathy and compassion there are lots of paths that can result in mutually rewarding relationships.

Reading Mixed-Orientation Marriage Pathways to Success.

Mixed Orientation Marriage Book There are many challenges in writing about mixed-orientation relationships and I struggle with the best format to present the information I have collected over the years. Mixed-Orientation Marriage Pathways to Success can be read like a book reading the topics as chapters in the order presented or as a collection of web articles picking and choosing the topics of interest to you. It may also be helpful to revisit topics from time to time as you travel your mixed-orientation marriage journey.

The Mixed Orientation Marriage Pathways to Success site contains writings that reflect my own personal experience and observations. While I have decades of experience studying human relations and sexuality I am NOT a licensed or credentialed mental health professional. My experience comes from being a life long student of human sexuality who happens to be bisexual with a story to tell and experiences to share. I recommend anyone who is struggling with issues regarding a mixed orientation relationship, gender identity or sexual orientation seek the guidance of their own experienced professional counselor.

Like a buffet take what you can use and leave behind the rest. If that works for you please feel free to explore . I hope something I write here might make your journey a little kinder and a little easier.