Living Life on the Pathway to Success

Our journey to develop a happy mixed-orientation marriage takes many varied paths with twists and turns and zigs when we should have zagged, but eventually I hope we each find our pathway to success and our own happiness. It may seem hard to believe, but with the passage of time and some hard work, the all-consuming nature of the day-to-day life of the early post-disclosure mixed-orientation marriage often loosens its grip. One day we hope to find that all the obsessing gets sorted out, and a new relationship dynamic replaces the turmoil. In the best of all worlds, the marriage is now in a place that is better than before. Hopefully, through lots of love and communication, both the bisexual, gay, or lesbian spouse and the straight spouse have found a winning solution to their mixed-orientation relationship challenges. No matter what the final solution—happy marriage, separation, or divorce—ideally, everyone involved finds peace and is happy with the outcome.

We have learned that when we treat our mixed-orientation relationship as a challenge to be tackled together as partners and friends toward mutually agreeable solutions, we both end up happier. We have also learned we don’t live in a binary world with rigid, one-size-fits-all boxes. These are our lives, and together we can find our personal pathways to happiness. We understand that we can celebrate differences and build bridges to similarities. We have learned there are all kinds of ways to satisfy our same-sex needs. Sometimes, just acknowledging who we are and becoming visible so we can find others like us is enough. Other times, we find that happiness means having a same-sex friend or partner; then, it is my hope that we have learned that these friends are in addition to our world of people we care about, not a replacement. Love and friendship are not like a gallon of milk that gets used up and is gone; we have infinite capacity to share our lives in different ways with others. A self-actualized, happy life led authentically and with integrity can bring unbelievable happiness to our relationships. One day, we look around and realize that, for the first time in a very long time, we are really, fully living our lives, just as they were meant to be, with happiness, comfort, love, and joy. I hope this book has helped you find your own pathway to success.