Variations in Gender.

Husbands and wives in mixed-orientation marriages sometimes have a non-binary variation in gender. Often it is men with some feminine traits that makes them such good husbands. One’s sexual orientation and their gender identity are two different but related aspects of what makes us who we are. Gender is on spectrum . Many people firmly identify with the male or female gender binary . Others would say they have a bit of each gender as part of who they are. Men who have a strong inner sense of female characteristics will often have really appealing personality traits.

These are not men trapped in a woman’s body they are men who embrace their inner feminine qualities. Some say they are men delighted to be a woman in a man’s body. Many women are attracted to their husbands because of this softer gentler touch they simply don’t realize it. Some men may adopt a bigender , androgynous or gender fluid identity others simply have fun expressing their variations in gender with gender play but without giving their gender variation a name. 

The gender double standard.

Of course some wives also have variations in gender. We live in a world where its OK for women to wear men’s shirts and masculine jeans and skip the makeup. When I grew up tomboy’s were rarely talked about in a negative way it was just a description of a woman’s gender presentation. Some men want to be the feminine version of a tomboy yet they have no positive equivalent word to express it. The sad part is that our society is not very accepting of this celebration of femininity by men. There are many ways that men chose to celebrate this part of who they are. Some men express it by wearing women’s panties , some may even dress up, perhaps in a flowery sun dress. Perhaps something more formal. Others shave body hair. Societies lack of understanding and acceptance results in many men having to keep this gender variation a secret. Secrets are not healthy and are especially unhealthy in our relationships. 

 This gender play in many cases is simply a way to express our inner sense of selves. It doesn’t hurt anyone and it does not mean they always become a full time woman. It is important to point out that some people are truly transgender and the process of transitioning begins with trying on their gender in stages. But it is vital to understand that not everyone who expresses other genders is headed to transition. It is just that , gender play to let ones true inner self express themselves. I truly wish society would become more accepting of this.

Variations in Gender Can be Hard to Explain 

 Explaining gender variations to one’s spouse can be complicated. It makes so much sense to us but because our husbands or wives and family are not walking in our shoes many just don’t get it. Understanding variations in gender becomes even more complicated because in some cases gender play generates sexual stimulation or is a fetish. I’m not really clear where the line is drawn between gender play as an expression of identity and gender play as a sexual thing but in reality I am not so sure it matters. Our sexuality is very individual. there are turn ons that are part of the core of who we are, parts that are a result of developmental imprinting and parts that we just discovered we liked. There is the expression “the exotic becomes the erotic”. In other words if all men wear is cotton white Fruit of the Loom or Hanes underwear then a pair of silk panties will feel so different and look so different then the exotic becomes erotic. Often the lines get blurred between the desire to let one’s inner woman out and that same inner woman’s sexuality. If I could throw a switch and switch genders at will it would be awesome because once in a while I want the inner me to align with what is seen. Sometimes we want to look in the mirror and see our inner woman looking back.

 This play with our gender is sometimes a very private thing that your husband or wife may not want to share with anyone. Other times they would welcome the opportunity to share this part of their lives. My inner woman is named Emily and I welcome the chance to share her with those I love. Sometimes a mixed orientation marriage can introduce gender as a role play by the straight spouse. Not all guys or wives are into that kind of thing but some are.

Some of my other blog posts at livingfabulous.org about gender:

• The Gender Binary – Non-binary Gender Paradox …
• Bigender , Androgynous and Gender Fluid Gender Identities
• Emily’s turn – Bigender and Living Fabulous

This entry was posted in Gender on January 19, 2020.