Personal Growth Experiences – It is a Win Win

I often talk about what I call the Ozzie and Harriet marriage model that many of us in long term marriages grew up with. In that model when we got married either our individual friends and interests become our friends and interests or they fall by the wayside. What often happens is our individual identity becomes more about who we are as a couple.

We can all benefit from the synergy that comes from a strong self actualized sense of self that we then bring to our relationship. Many of us have seen this new way of developing relationships in our millennial children’s relationships. In this relationship model I see an increase in wives having girlfriend getaway weekends and husbands who maintain some of the friendships and activities that would normally drift away due to marriage. My wife and I are firm believers that things happen in life for a reason. Our mixed-orientation marriage turns out to be a feature of life together . It is hard to imagine two people caring more for each other than my wife and I yet if we can do it others can too. Part of what makes our marriage so wonderful is the individual strengths each of us brings to the relationship. We are a team and with both of us living our individual personal lives to the maximum personal potential the marriage also becomes a richer more rewarding relationship.

When a spouse comes out as bisexual, gay or lesbian they often resume their identity development which creates both opportunities for personal growth as well as a reinventing of the marriage relationship dynamic. I recognize that the straight spouse sometimes finds the discovery they are in a mixed-orientation marriage a personal crises , perhaps even a traumatic experience. My hope is that part of the process of the evolution of their mixed-orientation marriage can include the opportunity for the straight spouse to also have their own personal growth experience. In other words they can recreate their own identity too. When a couple work together on individual self improvement there can be a synergy that creates a better marriage. In the mixed-orientation marriage I envision one spouse isn’t giving up something so the other can live a more self actualized life instead both have a personal growth experience, they bring their new and improved selves back into the day to day marriage and make it an even better marriage. The classic Win Win.

This entry was posted in Mixed-Orientation Marriage on February 26, 2020.