Mixed-Orientation Relationships Fabulous by Design

I am hearing more stories of couples disclosing their bisexuality and open relationship style before they start dating. The relationships that follow are mindful and accepting with responses like “That sounds awesome! I love bisexuals I want to share in your joy. “ . These relationships often start off knowing there will be other romantic partners or friendships that might be sexual.

My first personal experience with this positive attitude towards the tapestry of bisexual relationships was at the Transcending Boundaries Conferences held in Worcester MA , Springfield MA and Hartford CT. 2009-2015. The Transcending Boundaries Conference was an amazing event with very cool people that created memories and friends that I treasure to this day. The premise of the conference was when it comes to sexual orientation, gender identity ,relationships style and the celebration of our sexuality that there are no boxes we have to climb into. Society doesn't get to tell us how we have to live our lives. The TBC conference weekends included 50-60 educational workshops , a shared meal with brilliant keynote speakers and dances and entertainment at night where we got to be with people who understood us. It was kind of a utopian weekend with a mixture of folks who were living these amazingly diverse lives and others who were stepping out of their boxes even if just for a weekend. I have always admired the ones who had figured it out from day one.

More recently I have been listening to the Multiamory Podcast by Jase Lindgren, Emily Matlack, and Dedeker Winston. Emily, Dedeker and Jas are a delight to listen to . The Multiamory Podcast is like sitting in the living room chatting with three friends who have a really positive attitude about sexuality, our relationships and who and how we love. They don’t really talk about mixed-orientation relationships as a thing yet many of the topics are very relevant to those of us in mixed-orientation marriages and relationships, especially those in open relationships.  The main focus of this podcast is talking about the rich tapestry of our relationships and how to make them better. With almost 400 episodes there is plenty of great discussion and information to help us grow in our relationships no matter how complicated they might be.

In my mixed-orientation marriage support group world gay, lesbian, bi and straight people married to eachother seems to emphasize the its complicated nature of the marriage . It can take years of hard work to get these mixed-orientation marriages to rewarding happy places. In the  Transcending Boundaries Conference and Multiamory world there is no crises when a bi,gay or queer person is in a relationship. Instead we are meeting and hearing about people living life as exactly the person they were born to be. Instead of coming out 25 years into the marriage there is a whole world that says on the first few dates “I am bisexual and poly and I date people of different genders,” with a reply of “OK lets see how we can make that fabulous shall we”

This world of happy mixed-orientation relationships is a refreshing change from the crisis reactions of many of my generation. Of course there is a reason why  so many in my generation delayed coming out. Informed and enthusiastic consent to a mixed orientation relationship makes a huge difference in our attitudes towards them. When I first started exploring my bisexuality in the late sixties and early seventies there were very few role models for ways I could satisfy my needs from multiple genders. The societal message was pick one settle down. While I told my wife i was bisexual before I married her I had no idea that my bisexuality and need for more than one gender in my relationships was an option, I joined millions of Americans in mixed orientation marriages.

When I emerged from the closet again in 2007 I was dismayed to hear how much negative messaging there was. The word was this is a crisis of epic proportions. Most of what I found online said there is no hope . This messaging did not match the joy I was experiencing and the love that my wife showed as we traveled the journey out of the closet together. It was this negative messaging that prompted me to write Mixed-Orientation Marriage Pathways to success.

I hope the day will come when there will no longer be a need for my book because mixed-orientation relationships will naturally be on a pathway to success.