Bisexual Erasure - A roadblock to success

There is a long history of bisexual frustration with bisexual erasure and the harm it does to mixed-orientation marriage relationship dynamics. In addition to the damage to mixed-orientation marriages bisexual erasure also contributes to propagating false bisexual stereotypes. Bisexual erasure occurs when people either deny bisexuals exist or if they do believe in bisexuaity they create the” anything but bi” problem by so sliceing and dicing the definition of bisexuality that they erase huge segments of what it means to actually be bisexual.

Healthy Identity Development Needs the Bisexual Option

A common issue when bisexuals first work through their sexual orientation identity process is they often evaluate their sexual orientation in a binary straight or gay (lesbian) either or dichotomy. When this evalualtion happens without properly examining the very inclusive nature of being bisexual they miss opportunites to live life in the sexuality they are most suited for. A man married to a woman who likes to have sex with men makes perfect sense in the world of bisexuality but if you remove the bisexual option the choice becomes either you are straight or you are gay. Bisexual women in mixed-orientation marriages face a similar either you are straight or lesbian  so pick one. A straight identified man married to a woman with needs from men or a gay identified man who gets emotional or sexual satisfaction with women has built in opportunities for internal conflict What? Why? How?. This isn't just an internal conflict, those around them also have difficulty reconciling  the identified binary straight/gay  sexual orientation with their bisexual behaviors. If instead people understood that bisexuality really is a thing and that bisexuals have many different ways they can be bisexual the rich variety of mixed-orientation relationships all start to make sense.

The Klein grid developed by Fritz Klein, a recognized expert on the nature of bisexuality, highlights for example how a bisexual man can be emotionally attracted to their wife, a woman,and sexually attracted to a male friend. Another example of the harm done by erasure is the misguided use of the term “men who have sex with men” or MSM , My understanding is MSM was originally adopted for use by researchers because of the reluctance of men to adopt anything but the straight identity even as they were having sex with men. Researchers felt by describing behaviors instead of identity they might capture a more realistic understanding of the impacts  of male same sex activity . Using the MSM descripter makes sense from a research standpoint but it has been misused in further defining men who have sex with men as being either gay or straight while completely ignoring or erasing the role of bisexuality . Some men who have sex with men refer to themselves as bisexual because THEY are bisexual yet some writers imply the bisexual reference is simply a resistence to identifying as gay . Of course some gay men do have a stop over in the bisexual identity before moving on but many bisexual go on from being bi curious to firmly adopting the bisexual identity. I maintain the easy solutionm is that when one has interests in more than one gender that the bisexual identity is an easy explanation as to why and how that works. In my life as a bisexual I can be as gay or as straight as I want and it is perfectly explained by my bisexuality. When it works life is a joy.

Posted 1/31/21